We are all under exceptionally stressful circumstances. We are under a lockdown, due to the global Covid -19 pandemic! We are living through a pandemic! There is a threat to our health, our financial security and the global economy. There is uncertainty about how long the pandemic and the resultant measures to contain the spread of infection will last, and we have questions about what awaits us beyond the pandemic. None of us have lived during a pandemic before, and although we understand the need to comply, most of us have not experienced the restrictions on our movement and autonomy that the lockdown has brought about.

It is thus understandable that we may be feeling somewhat “claustrophobic”, irritable, overwhelmed, anxious, frustrated, stressed or even depressed.  When we are feeling all these negative emotions, our relationships may at times look a little grim.  Although I cannot deny that some relationships are difficult for a variety of reasons, the way we perceive or experience our relationships may at times be coloured by our state well-being. The more you take care of yourself and the better you feel, the more your relationships are likely to benefit from it. My recommendations in this brief article is thus based on that understanding.

1. Try and get some alone time.

I understand that it may difficult to find some alone time when confined to a small space that you have to share. Thus, putting this recommendation into practice it may require a little creativity. If you have a car, you may sit in the car while reading or listening to the radio for half an hour or so, once or twice a week. You may consider a long bath or an extended loo break.  Taking turns to get the supplies for the family, may also serve as good alone time.

Although time alone may feel self –indulgent, particularly under these circumstances, research stipulates that spending time alone may be healthy for relationships. It gives you time for self-refection and also helps you reconnect with the person you are as well as the person you are, in relationships. During your time alone, also consider journaling, keeping a gratitude list, or connecting spiritually. Take some time to ask yourself; “Would I want to be stuck with myself during this lockdown?” In other words, am I being fair and treating others with the love, patience and respect I want to be treated with?  Being honest with yourself about interpersonal behaviour, that may impede healthy interactions with others, and committing to working on those behaviours, will improve your relationships, not only during lockdown, however overall.

2. Play!!

Consider starting a new hobby. Spending time doing something you enjoy (whether it be artistic, athletic, academic or something particularly personal), can improve your mental health.  This may seem reasonably apparent for most of us; doing something you enjoy should indeed bring about feelings of contentment and well-being. Research indicates that engaging in leisure activities reduces stress, improves anxiety, depression, as well risk for dementia in older age.  The hobby may also be shared activity that others can enjoy with you, which can facilitate conversation, create fun memories and facilitate bonding.

3. Eat healthy, sleep, exercise, repeat.

The third recommendation relates to the first as well as the second in some ways, because your hobby could involve spending some time alone, as well as some form of exercise.  Not only is exercise great for strengthening your immune system, it is also beneficial for managing stress and working off that extra “anxious energy” which may keep you awake at night, among a host of many other benefits. Lack of sleep can leave you feeling irritable and exhausted in the short-term, however it can also have serious long-term health consequences. It is thus important to try to get a good amount of quality sleep.

Eat healthy. Although most of us may be tempted to spend our lockdown hours eating our favourite treats while binge watching Netflix, it is important to try and maintain a healthy diet. Your food choices can also affect your mood and your mental health. Think about it; your brain is always working, even when you are asleep, thus it needs fuel! And in the same manner that certain premium-grade fuels may be better for your car, foods that are rich in nutrients such as omega-3 fatty acids, folic acid, vitamin D, magnesium and B vitamins are better for your brain health and thus better for your mood and mental health.

4. Engage with other support systems

Relying on those that are confined with you to cater for all relational needs can put a lot of pressure on the relationship(s). It is thus important that you try to keep engaged with other people that are important to you.  We are fortunate to be living during times where technology gives us many options.  Keep connected and engaged with family and friends via phone, texting, Facetime, WhatsApp etc.  It will help you feel connected and supported.

5. Communicate

“Sometimes we forget how to do the easiest thing in the world, which is just to talk to each other” (Couples Retreat movie, 2009)

We all handle stress in different ways. Communicate to your loved ones about how you are feeling and how you feel impacted by everything that is happening. Share your individual experience and ask for help and support when needed. Research indicates that self-disclosure (revealing personal, intimate information about yourself), plays a key role in forming strong relationships. Self-disclosure can make people feel closer, understand one another better, and work together more effectively.

In addition to this, I want to add, be patient. Be patient with yourself and with others as we find our feet, during these novel  and challenging times.